Seeing you
by Ruthyroo
Summary: This is going to be different to my other fictions,to start off it will be the same but the ending will be quite the contrary . please take a look.xx all from Brendan's pov. FOR SARAHLOU. xxx
1. Together again

**Together again**

Things between Stephen and I were great at last, we were together properly, it seemed like it had taken forever to get here but we made it, finally. Stephen spent most of his time at mine, it was almost like he lived with me, of course he had his work and I had mine, but every spare moment we had we spent together, it was like we were making up for lost time; nearly nine months worth to be precise.

It took me long enough to realise that I couldn't be without him, I think I've always known it really I just needed something to make me act upon my feelings and Douglas and Stephen nearly getting together was what it took. I remember that day so well; it had been the opening of the deli. Stephen looked so happy, so excited. I remember watching him like I always did; you know when he didn't know I was. His face was a picture, his smile was beaming; I felt so warm inside from seeing him like that – I felt proud of him, how could I not?

He was his own boss he was making something of himself and it suited him, after watching him for near on thirty minutes, I entered carter and hay and ordered a house special of the day which was a sienna Panini. Stephen of course didn't serve me; he gave me a look as if to say

"What're you doing here?"

Which is why I watched him for so long, I knew that once he'd seen me his smile would fade, and I was right. It did. But I had to come here, I had to congratulate him on the grand opening, I knew how important this was to him. I didn't stay in to eat, I took it away. I didn't wanna stay somewhere where I wasn't welcome. Plus I wasn't really that hungry anyway, at least not after that reception.

I couldn't blame him I guess, he found out about my interference with carter and hay and he told me he wanted nothing more to do with me, it bothered me and hurt me greatly but I made out it didn't; I didn't let him see what it did to me when he spoke like that, what would have been the point? We were always this way together, we'd be okay, we always were!

I wondered how his first day had gone, if it had been busy, did he enjoy it? But now I had no way of knowing, we weren't exactly on speaking terms and he'd told me so many times to stop stalking him. I had to wait for fate to play a part. So when he walked into ChezChez that night, I couldn't help but smile to myself.

He looked great, he always did these days. I remember when I first met him, he had no taste in clothes at all, he'd grown in so many ways since then. Douglas wasn't far behind him, god do they always have to be together? I saw that Riley was with them too, I noticed a lot that night, the looks Douglas would give Stephen, the little touches on the arm and knee, I felt like I was going to explode.

They were all having a great time, laughing so much, I felt jealous I couldn't help it. I kept my distance and I didn't let him see me but I didn't take my eyes off him for a second. I could see there was more than just friendship going on, I should have just let them be together, but I couldn't.

Douglas wanted him, I knew that but I wanted him too, he was mine first and he was still mine now, I had to do something. I walked over to them and asked Stephen if I could talk to him in private. He refused at first but I told him I wouldn't leave him be until he talked to me.

He looked a little tipsy, I hoped he wasn't as bad as he looked as I needed to speak to him. When we got to the office he suddenly looked very aware of the fact that we were alone, he looked nervous and on edge and kept fiddling with his fingers. I told him to relax but he just asked me what I wanted so I gave him all I had to give, I shared everything with him, all of my feelings. I told him how sorry I was for everything, how if I could take it all back I would, the games, all the abuse, broken promises – I even offered to give him carter and hay as a gift.

He asked me why I got involved with carter and hay in the first place, I told him how it was the only way to be in his life again, I could see how I was starting to affect him, his eyes had softened and im sure I could see tears there, I told him I loved him, how I'd always love him and that I'd rather die than spend another day without him. I knew he wanted me still; he wouldn't be here if he didn't.

I knew it would take a while for him to forgive me but I couldn't just sit back and watch Douglas steal him away from me. I moved over towards him and pulled him close, he didn't push me away, he could no longer fight it, he gave himself to me; I kissed him, he kissed me back. I had never felt happiness like that before, all he ever wanted was for me to be honest with him; that was all it took for him to be mine again.

We'd been together ever since, im so in love with him, who'd have thought it? Brendan Brady in love.

**_ TBC please review it means a lot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :)_**


	2. Something special

**Something Special**

It had been three months since we got back together and things couldn't be any better. I wanted to do something nice for Stephen; he'd been working so hard lately I thought that maybe we could go away for a weekend, spend some quality time together. I had a look online to see what was on offer when I came across a short break to Venice; it sounded perfect. Four star hotel called "The Carlton On The Grand" it looks out on the grand cannel, it's supposed to be romantic, Stephen would love it.

I'm not great at this romantic stuff, but he made me at least want to try. I could get the time off work no problem, I had Chez after all, I'm sure she'd be okay – plus she'd keep Joel in check. I'd have to speak to Douglas though and see if it was okay for Stephen to have the time off. Douglas and I hadn't spoken much since Stephen and I had got back together, why would we? We don't really have much to talk about.

I know that it upsets Stephen, he wanted us to at least be civil to eachother, but I'm not one to forget what people do to me and Douglas? Well he very nearly took the love of my life away from me, how could I ever forgive him for that?

It would make Stephen happy if we got on and if it's that important to him I guess I had to try. I wanted to prove to Stephen that I was serious about us and making him happy, I wanted him to see that getting back together with me was the right decision. Stephen was at work when I text him

"Invite Douglas round for dinner tonight, we'll get a takeaway – missing ye BB x"

It was my day off today and usually Stephen and I work it so our days off are together, but they were short staffed so Stephen had to go in. I missed him like crazy, it felt odd being alone. I hated it without him, I hadn't spent much time apart from him and you kinda get used to it, I suppose I became dependant on him.

Stephen replied:

"Really? That's great! See you soon, miss you too x"

It was 6:30pm when Stephen got home and Douglas was with him, I wasn't sure if he was going to come, but I was glad that he did as I wanted to speak to him about Stephen taking the time off work.

I greeted Stephen with a kiss; wow that boy looked good, even in his work clothes; I had to stop myself from snogging his face off, god I wanted him, I always want him – but I couldn't have him, we have company after all. I needed to get Stephen out of the way so I suggested him taking a quick shower before dinner arrived. Thankfully, he agreed.

I know Douglas didn't approve of me being with Stephen, but it really was nothing to do with him and I did make Stephen happy, so it had to count for something; Douglas said that having the time off would be fine, besides it was only for a few days. I could see that Stephen and I being together still bothered Douglas, he was still struggling with his feelings, it was written all over his face. I felt angry but sorry for him all at the same time. Angry because Stephen was _mine, _made for me, put on this earth just for me to love him, no one else,and sorry for him because it could have quite easily been me that was without him now. If I had not of watched them so closely or if I would have given up on him, if I hadn't have swallowed my pride and told him how I felt then I would be standing in Douglas' shoes and Stephen would probably with living a life with him instead of me.

God it does my head in just thinking about it, I shudder at the thought; the evening went well considering. Stephen was talking mostly, controlling the conversation; he's such a chatterbox. Douglas and I both looking at him, hanging off his every word; he really has no idea how beautiful he is. And although he knows I love him, he has no clue that Douglas loves him also, at least that it what I think, that is what I see. But Douglas understands that he is mine and if he ever forgets it, I will always be here to remind him. Nothing or no one will ever come between us again. It was getting late and I wanted to go to bed, or should I say take Stephen to bed….So when Douglas said he'd have to get going, I could already feel the erection growing in my pants!

Stephen saw Douglas out and before he even had the chance to shut the door properly, I was upon him, he nearly lost his balance with the force of me grabbing him and kissing him so passionately, god he excited me so much. I pushed him back against the door and it slammed shut, but still forcefully kissing him. My Stephen, he radiates sexuality and he doesn't even know it, look at the state he gets me in. I pull away and lead him to the bedroom.

_**TBC please read and review xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :)**_


	3. We are one

**We are one**

Once we are in the bedroom there is no controlling the hunger that I have for him. I pull him close to me, needing to feel him against me. My cock feels so hard like it's going to explode; I've never felt so intense sexual desire for anyone before and never will again. He's the only one for me now.

I move my hands to his face and kiss his soft wet inviting lips, god it feels like my whole body tingles when we kiss this passionately. My hands all over his body, I have to feel every part of him. I touch his cock he is hard and throbbing, needing me just as much as I need him.

I grab is arse and squeeze it pulling him closer to me even more, he groaned as I did this. Still kissing him I start to undress him, his gorgeous warm body is like a piece of heaven. He is flawless and I desire him so much. I stop to admire him standing naked infront of me, sexy, wanting me, the look of pure lust in his eyes. It was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen, without him I think I would go crazy.

I pressed my lips against his again and wrap my arms around his neck, I want to do everything to him, make him feel like he never has before. He lies down on the bed and I can't wait to touch him further. I start to undress myself slowly, his eyes widen, I can see how turned on he is. He bites the bottom of his lip I love it when he does that.

I lie on top of him and kiss him gently wrestling and sucking on his tongue, I start licking his nipples, kissing his neck, nibbling on his ear lobe, I tell him how I want to have him over and over; that no matter how many times he gives himself to me, it's still never enough.

I feel my way down to his cock; I don't know whether to touch it or suck it, I want it all with him, I could never get enough of pleasing him, I'm so into this boy. I playfully stroke him; I can feel him throbbing in my hand, I kiss my way down his chest until I reach his cock.

I put my lips firmly around him and take him deep into my mouth at the same time i start to finger his entry, the sound of pleasure coming from him is almost too much to handle, if I hadn't have been so controlled, I would have cum at the sound of him.

He tells me he wants to cum in my mouth so I began to suck harder, I want him, I want this – I love his sweet taste. I tell him how I need him now, I need to be inside of him, he understands as he needs it too.

He slowly sits on my cock and starts to gently fuck me, i become frustrated as I have limited movement this way, and usually I love to be in control so I move him off me.

I can't help but admire him, he really is perfection. I love every detail of him; he is absolutely gorgeous; it amazes me how involved I am with him.

His perfect face with those striking features the shape of his jaw, his pouty, full lips and those blue eyes with the long eyelashes; it's almost like there was nothing for me before Stephen Hay.

He lies on his back, raising and slightly twisting his pelvis upwards towards his chest, he rests his leg on my shoulder whilst his other leg is between my legs; I am kneeling as this allows me to enter him so deep.

I thrust into him slowly at first, he begins to groan and it turns me on even more, when I thrust into him harder he starts moaning my name and I love it.

To bring us both to climax I fuck him so hard that I almost lose my mind; this feeling between us is so intense. We lie like this together, sweaty and clammy but fulfilled.

I want him to know how desperately happy he makes me, he must feel it, he must know by how I look at him. I wish for him every day; I crave him, his touch, his love. I pull him close to me and tell him I love him, he tells me he loves me too. I could never get tired of hearing that. I know he's knackered, I know he wants to go to sleep but I wanted to surprise him about the holiday, he was so excited about it; I got the reaction that I wanted, it's going to be brilliant, I can't wait and neither could he.

_**hope you are enjoying this story please review TBC xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :) **_


	4. Holiday?

**_hi guys the story starts changing now i hope you like it. xxxx_**

**_Holiday?_**

The weekend was here before I knew it; Stephen was so excited, how I wish I had his energy, I loved seeing him so happy; that is all I ever wanted for him. He offered to make a fry up before we leave, he knows how much I love my food and he is such a good cook. I watch him work his magic in the kitchen, he's so confident, I go over to him and put my arms around his waist and kiss the black of his neck, he shouted:

"Oi Bren! Do you want me to burn myself?"

I couldn't help but laugh at him, he loved it really. Breakfast was just what I needed, I had such a big appetite and not just for food! We'd be leaving in a few hours and I still needed to pack a few last bits. Stephen had to go and say goodbye to Amy and the kids, then we'd be set to leave. I decided to drive to the airport; that way we wouldn't have to worry about getting a taxi there and back. Stephen had been gone for an hour already, so I text him:

"Tick tock Stephen, BB x"

I had so much planned for him, I wanted to show him how serious about us I was, he's always doubted me before; he probably still does, but now I've accepted myself for who I am I feel that I can completely relax with him. Okay so I still get a little edgy sometimes but I can control everything so much better now.

Stephen has taught me so much, I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore and that is all thanks to him. I went outside to put our cases in the car; I smiled to myself how Stephen was more organised with his packing than I was. After I surprised him with the holiday he went straight home the next day and packed.

I felt a smack on my arse and turned around to see him standing there smiling cheekily, wow he looked amazing.

"Stephen, we've got time for a quickie!"

I almost dragged him back inside, he let me though, he never did say no. We only just made it in the front door and within minutes we were both naked and Stephen well he was bent over the sofa. I just can't seem to get enough of him. A quick shag with Stephen was all I had time for, naturally I wanted him again after but we both got cleaned up and dressed and set off for the airport, it would take less than an hour to get there. I put the radio on and Britney Spears "womaniser" came on, Stephen was singing his heart out. I didn't go much on Britney myself but hearing Stephen amused me.

The drive so far was good and the traffic on the roads was quite clear, even the m56 wasn't too bad. I was driving around 60mph in the left hand lane when I felt an impact to the car with such a force and although I tried not to I lost control of the car and smashed into the metal railings next to the hard shoulder.

The next thing I knew I woke up in hospital, I felt a little drowsy as I came round, I looked to see Chez sat by my bedside, she started crying through relief that I was okay. I immediately asked:

"Stephen, where's Stephen?"

The look on her face said it all, I could feel tears starting to fall from my eyes, but I asked again

"Chez, where is Stephen?"

Chez broke down even more, tears now streaming down her face

"I'm so sorry love, Ste didn't make it"

"NO" I shouted

"No, it's not true"

I felt sick

"Where is he?"

There was a pain in my heart; I never felt anything like it before, it was like the world had just stopped and I knew from this moment on that my life was over, how can I go on without him? Everything was planned out, our future, we were going to be together for the rest of our days, love like ours was rare, I didn't want to be without it, I didn't want it from anyone else but him; he made me the person I am, he showed me how to accept myself, I need him here; I need him by my side, what will I become without him?

Chez had told me that the driver who had crashed into me had been drinking and that he had also died which is just as well otherwise I'd hunt him down and kill him myself, luckily no other people were involved, lucky for who? Not for me, the most important person in my life has been taken away from me, for what? What about Amy, Leah and Lucas? How are they going to cope without him, why couldn't it have been me? I would gladly trade my life for his.

"I need to get out of this hospital Chez"

I hardly had anything wrong with me, all I had was concussion and whiplash – that's it and my Stephen lost his life.

"They want to keep you in love, just for a few days"

But I didn't care, I'd just discharge myself, I couldn't stay here, I don't think she will appreciate it but I had to go and see Amy and the kids, I need to be around someone who will understand my loss; I also have to decide if I'm going to go and see Stephen, I want to I really do, I want to hold him, kiss him one last time but I know I'll never want to say goodbye, leaving him will be the hardest part.**  
**

The funeral, there are so many things to think about, but I can't do this, at least not now, not yet. I discharged myself and Chez took me home. The emptiness I feel absolutely breaks me

I feel numb.

**_so sad please review :) xxxxxxxxxxx_**


	5. Without you

**_This chapter is quite sad just to let you know :)_**

**Without**** you**

All of this feels strange and untrue and what I'd give to spend one more day with him, it's been a month since that terrible day and it still feels like yesterday, the hardest part was saying goodbye to him, as I knew it would be. I went to see him, although I struggled with my feelings about it I knew that I had to do it, if I didn't then I would probably regret it for the rest of my life.

I gave him my cross necklace, he knew how much it meant to me, I wanted him to have it now. I placed a picture of us in his hand, I wrote "Love ye forever" on the back; corny I know, but I'd never get the chance to tell him again would I? I kissed him on his head one last time, how I ever got through that day, I'll never know. But I had to be strong as I had the funeral next, and this really would be the last time to say goodbye.

It was a heart breaking day, they say time heals – maybe it does but I can't see that right now, all I can see is nothingness, an empty life with broken promises and broken dreams; it wasn't supposed to turn out like this I can't remember the last time that I worked, did normal things, even shaved. I don't want to do anything, all I do is sit in my flat with my memories of times with him, times with my Stephen; why did he have to leave me?

He gave me everything, now he's gone and my world is torn apart. I remember us and what we used to be, we were both happy, finally living the life we both wanted to. I try and tell myself that he's gone but I still think he's gonna walk through the door and tell me this was all a big joke, but I saw the end before we even really begun and I knew the truth deep down, I just don't want to believe that he's never gonna come back.

I'm sure I can still smell him, still hear him, it's like his laughter fills the air, I was so in love with him and I always will be , I'd been addicted to him for the longest time, he has always been the one for me so how do I start to get over him? How do I begin to live in a world where he doesn't exist, I just can't do it.

He touched my soul, he touched my heart, he changed my life, I just want him back. Everyone seems to be carrying on as normal, apart from Amy of course, and I can't even leave the house. The thing is, I see him every day, he is on my mind, I dream of him all of the time, so he's kinda with me still. It was almost like I could still feel him here with me and sometimes the hairs on my body would stand up, chilling me to the bone. I was certain one time that I heard his voice, heard him call my name, but I couldn't have done could I? He's gone.

Now I come to think of it, a few strange things has started to happen, the last few nights I'd gone to bed I'm sure I heard footsteps outside my bedroom door I'd get Goosebumps all over but it's probably just my imagination. Grief can do strange things to you. I have one photo of Stephen and I, I keep it on my bedroom table; it's the only thing I have left of him.

I have been round Amy's a few times, I've told her if she needs anything all she had to do is ask. I enjoyed seeing Leah and Lucas, Lucas looks so much like his dad. I hope that Amy still lets me see the kids sometimes; it's like the last link to him. If I could just have one last kiss, hold him one more time but then again, that would never be enough and I would just want to keep him.

Why couldn't it have been me instead of him? He was so young, too young to die. I hope he knew how much I loved him, and how sorry I was for all the times I hurt him. I know we'd gotten over all of that but I still felt guilty about it. We couldn't even have out holiday together, maybe this is karma, maybe this is my punishment for all the bad things that I've done, god I miss him so much.

His smell is one of the things I miss the most, his touch, everything, I miss everything about him – I just feel like an empty shell, I find myself wishing I could be with him, I knew that I'd be no good without him; I never imagined that this would happen, if only I hadn't have planned the trip or maybe if we'd left thirty minutes earlier, if's and buts are terrible things to think about; I will never forget him, I know that and I will always remember how happy he made me, I will never be happy like that again, there is nothing left for me now.

I only ever wanted him and now he's been taken away from me I will be on my own, no one could ever replace him or even come close to it. I often sit on the sofa where we first kissed, I don't know why but I get some comfort from it. But for some reason it always feels so cold over there. I close my eyes and think back to that time I got him drunk, tripped him over and nearly kissed him, making him kiss me instead and when he did I got angry.

I remember the way I looked at him that night; he looked so beautiful that he almost took my breath away. I didn't know whether to look at his eyes, his lips, his jaw or his cheekbones. I wanted to take him all in; I remember it as if it were yesterday. Sat alone in the flat I tell him:

Stephen I love you, I will _never _get over ye.

**_please review :) _**


	6. Come back to me

**Come to me**

Things still weren't getting better, if anything it had gotten worse – if that was possible. Chez was so worried about me, I hadn't even attempted to go back to work; I just can't face it, memories of us all around. Maybe I need to move away so I'm not continuously reminded of my empty life without him. I had no time for anything or anyone; I'd never known pain like this before. I let him in my life, allowing him to get close to me, now he's gone.

I can't help but feel guilty, it's all my fault; I tried to surprise him, make him happy and it cost him his life, I can never get him back now; I felt like I was losing my mind. I thought of him morning noon and night; I couldn't escape him even if I wanted to. I hadn't even unpacked my suitcase from when we went away, I can't bring myself to do it yet.

I had a gift in there for him, something I brought him as a surprise, I was going to give it to him when we were away, it was a watch and I had in engraved

**"Always yours, BB"**

It made me sad thinking about it all and how he would never know how much I loved him. I know I need to try and get better, he'd hate me being like this but I'm finding it hard without him, harder than I would have thought; I tried going out for a bit, get some fresh air – but it only made me feel worse, people staring at me, feeling sorry for me – I felt like a freak.

I got back home; I went for a lie down, my bedroom felt cold, so cold it made me shiver. I looked at the picture of Stephen and I as I always did before I got into bed and nearly collapsed when I saw my cross necklace draped over it, was I hallucinating? was I dreaming?

I picked it up, it was real, it was in my hands, I had hold of it; I sat down on my bed in disbelief, tears had started to fall and I closed my eyes remembering the last time I had hold of it, that horrible day when I said goodbye to my Stephen for good.

My heart broke all over again. I dropped my cross when I felt a sudden pressure on the top of my head, like someone had their hand resting on it; but that can't be, I'm here, alone. I was scared freaked out, maybe Chez was right, maybe I was losing it – but then I smelt that familiar smell; I'd only ever smelt it on him, only on Stephen, it was his smell.

The lights in my room started to flicker, that was the final straw, I couldn't hold it together and I broke down calling his name over and over again. Nothing else happened after that, at least not for a few days. I hadn't been eating properly and I hadn't been sleeping much, things were getting on top of me so I decided to speak to Chez about it all.

She tried to get me to go to the doctors, but I didn't need a doctor, there was only one thing I needed and that was Stephen, I did know that I would have to sort myself out but all I needed was time, not a fucking doctor! I just lost the love of my life, what does she expect me to feel like? After Chez's constant worrying, the next day I decided to go into work for a few hours. I still didn't look that great, I kinda looked like I did when I came out of prison, a bit of a mess really; full beard and all, I'm sure Stephen wouldn't like that but then again he's not here to see it is he.

I decided a few hours at work would be enough, Rhys was working the lunchtime shift and it was pretty quiet, I poured myself a large whiskey and went into the office to finish some paperwork.

I could smell Stephen again, the smell was stronger this time, almost as if he was stood next to me; I tried to ignore it but it was so hard the smell of him bought back a thousand memories that seemed to flash before my eyes all at once. A wave of emotion took over me and I needed to go, to get out of the club, be back home. I shouldn't have come, I'm not ready for all of this, I'm not ready for normality. I don't want to forget, forget him; moving on means letting go of him and I'm not ready to do that either.

I enter the bathroom and fill up the sink, I cup my hands with water splashing it all over my face, I look in the mirror at myself and nearly jump out of my skin; there as clear as day was Stephen looking back at me.

**_please review lovely people :) _**


	7. Goodbye

**Chapter 7**

I turned around very slowly still trying to look in the mirror at the same time, not wanting to lose the image of him, what would I do if I turned around and he wasn't there? But he was. He looked just how he would look if he was still here, still alive. Only he wasn't alive and I shouldn't be seeing him. I was unable to speak, too afraid to reach out to him in case he disappeared. I had cried more these last few months than I had done in my whole life, and I couldn't stop the tears now as standing before me as clear as the nose on my face was Stephen. He wiped my tears, I could feel his touch, I pulled him close to me, holding him, not ever wanting to let him go. God I've missed this, missed him.

"Is this a dream?"

I said, desperately wanting to know if he was real.

"No Bren, I've come back because you need me, you need to say goodbye"

What was he saying I didn't wanna say goodbye, I didn't want to live in a world where he doesn't exist, doesn't he get that?

"You need to let me go Bren, none of this was your fault so please don't blame yourself"

But how could I not blame myself, it was my fault. I was the one who decided to drive; we should have just got a taxi, he'd still be here if I hadn't of planned the holiday.

"You need this more than I do Bren"

He handed me my necklace, how was any of this even possible? I couldn't believe he was really here, we were really talking. I wanted this moment to last forever but nothing lasts forever and I knew he'd have to go.

"I'm sorry Stephen, sorry for everything, the holiday, the rows, the beatings, the bad times, if I could take them all back I would"

We entered the bedroom and I sat down on the bed Stephen sat next to me. I didn't know what was real anymore; I just assumed I was dreaming, it's the only answer.

"I forgive you Bren because for every bad time we had you gave me a hundred good ones. You made me so happy, happier that I've ever been. You made me complete and I will love you forever"

That was one of the reasons I fell in love with Stephen, his ability to forgive, he had such massive heart.

"Stay with me Stephen"

"Bren it's not my time anymore, I saw how much you were suffering and I had to come back, come back to you, to try and ease your pain, it will be hard but it will get better with time, I promise you. I cannot stay here but I will watch over you, I will always be with you in your heart. I love you Brendan."

"I love ye so much Stephen, I don't even know how to begin to move on."

We lay down on the bed together, holding each other so tight, I knew he would have to leave but that would mean losing him all over again and I didn't know if I could take it.

"Just promise me you'll try Bren, promise your watch out for Amy, Leah and Lucas"

"I promise you Stephen"

I felt so happy, Stephen here this way was all I've ever wanted but that was impossible to have now. I drifted off to sleep, the best sleep I'd had since he'd been gone. I felt the loss the minute I woke up. He wasn't lying next to me anymore, the side where he lay was now cold but his smell still lingered in the air. I can't explain what had happened, I wasn't even sure if I had dreamt the whole thing or not but all I do know is that it felt very real. I remember every single thing, usually with dreams you can't always remember what happened.

I have to try and move on; it doesn't mean I will forget him does it? I will never forget him he was my life. I made a promise to him and I won't break it. He will never be far from my thoughts.

I went in to the bathroom and had a shower I even had a shave, I looked so much better. Although it would be hard at first I needed to get back to work, that would be the first step, the start of letting him go. I noticed my cross on the bathroom floor; I remember he gave it to me last night. He was here I wasn't losing the plot. I put the necklace on straight away it will always remind me of him now. Im so lucky I got to see him once more, got to hold him again, lay with him one last time, telling him how much I loved him…still love him. I walked over to the picture of us, picked it up, kissed him and said

"Goodbye Stephen, i'll be seeing you"

**_hope you like the ending sarahlou xxxxx_**


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